Marriage between one man and one woman is God’s special design. This design is best for men and women and best for children. We don’t always know why some people choose to form families in different ways, but we do know that choosing God’s way is better.
These were some of the ideas Antonia Tully gave to a group of young mums at Winton, the DHEF centre in Oxford, who wanted ideas about how they can speak positively when their children ask questions about same-sex families.
Firstly, Antonia told the mums “It’s important actually to give an answer, so that your children know they can approach you on topics like this. However, answers don’t need to be very detailed for primary age children, and certainly shouldn’t be framed as pointing a finger at families where both parents are the same sex.
“A kinder, more gentle approach is to tell your child that you believe that having a mummy and a daddy works best. In other words, speaking positively about real marriage, rather than negatively about other families.”
Talking to the school about the concerns they have with Relationships Education was another issue the mums raised with Antonia. She gave two pieces of advice. Firstly, try to see the teaching materials in advance and find out how topics such as same sex families will be presented. Although this is not always straightforward, the Government’s statutory guidance to schools does state that schools should “ensure that parents know what will be taught and when”. It is reasonable for parents to press the school for full disclosure.
A second piece of advice is for parents to build a relationship with the school. This can be as simple as writing a short, sincere note or email to the class teacher or headteacher to say thank you for a particular activity your child enjoyed or to express how happy your child is at school. If you are a supportive parent, the school is more likely to listen to you when you have a serious concern.
Don’t use confrontational language when talking with teachers. Ask them to let you explain why you are concerned about certain aspects of the Relationships Education curriculum and how you think certain lessons would confuse or worry your child. Also explain that parents are better placed to talk to their own children about relationships and marriage.
“There’s no silver bullet here,” said Antonia. “Sometimes it is clear that the school is not going to listen to your point of view. On the other hand, where a school is striving to uphold the Christian view of marriage, give your full support to the headteacher in this matter.”
Antonia also emphasised the importance of being confident as a parent. Unfortunately, a consequence of making Relationships Education a compulsory subject in all schools is that parents are effectively undermined; the school takes the lead, deciding when and how to teach children about marriage. This leaves parents at the mercy of whatever approach the school takes.
Antonia recommended two resources to the mothers. Firstly, “The Truth and Meaning of Human Sexuality”, which was produced by the former Pontifical Council for the Family. This is a wonderful document, affirming the God-given role of parents as the first educators of their children. The second recommendation was Lovewise; a Christian organisation offering materials based on the biblical teaching for parents and schools.
